The magic of holidays as a new parent? Theyre like time travel back to childhood summers | Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett

Every child – and every stressed-out parent – deserves a holiday, even if we have to endure the hell of the travel cot

The people who design travel cots belong in prison. I’m generally in favour of restorative justice and rehabilitation, but for this I’ll make an exception.

We are luckier than most, in that the baby will sleep on the hard bit of plywood that’s supposed to pass for a mattress, but he does need a few pats on the bum to settle, and unless you are Stretch Armstrong (a contemporary reference there for you, kids) this is all but impossible. Likewise, lowering the baby (or in our case, large toddler) into the cot, which if you’re a woman of average height involves squatting over one of the corners and hoping you don’t bash your crotch on it so that your swearing wakes them up, something which definitely hasn’t happened to me – ever. Basically, they are designed for babies who are heavy sleepers, and tall men.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett is a Guardian columnist and author